5 ounces my friends. Let me repeat, FIVE OUNCES! I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked down at the bottle at the end of my pumping session this morning. This was much needed after this morning. As I left for work I heated up Sutton's first bottle. When I handed the 3.5 oz bottle to my husband he said "why so little?" but what I heard was "good morning, could you please punch me in the face?" I counted to ten and said "because that's what I pumped."
I don't know what was different this morning. I used my time in the mother's room to simultaneously pump and write in Sutton's journal, something I try to do each month on the 20th (the day he was born). So essentially I spent the entire time thinking of the little guy and his milestones. His laughs, the way he wiggles around when he's happy, his little legs kicking as if to say "I know I can run, just GIVE ME A CHANCE WOMAN!", the way he sucks on his fingers, the tiny baby gurgles... sigh.. I miss him.
Whatever it was I hope it keeps happening. I've been driving myself crazy googling the amounts that a 3 month old should be consuming and every site says something different. I've decided to stop googling it and just feed Sutton whatever my body produces. Websites and books are a good guide, and I've learned to treat them as nothing more than suggestions. There's no book more powerful than a mother's intuition.
The latest issue in our house is sleeping. Not just getting sleep but sleeping arrangements. When Sutton was born I couldn't imagine putting him in a different room. He had just spent 9 months in my body, I needed him close and I believe he needed me close as well. Initially he slept in his arm's reach co-sleeper, but woke with gas pains consistently throughout the night. After many sleepless nights I discovered that if I laid him down facing me with his head on my arm he slept 5+ hours. It's a love/hate relationship, this whole sleep thing - because I love snuggling with him. I know that his brain is growing leaps and bounds during all of this close cuddling but the part that's not so fun is laying in one position for 5+ hours. So it's back to the co-sleeper we go.
I start the night by putting Sutton down in the sleeper. Usually he jerks himself awake a few times but eventually falls into a deep sleep. So far he seems to wake at varying times deciding that he wants to cuddle. Last night it was 11pm when he wanted his cuddle, but Saturday it was 5am. I worry all the time that I'm sending him mixed signals about sleeping or that I'm setting us all up for disaster when it comes time to put him in a crib but you know what? It feels right. He's 3 months old, he can't be spoiled. I know in 10 years I'll think back about when he was tiny and fit so perfectly by my side, snuggled up with his little hands folded under his chin... so I'm just going to go ahead and enjoy this, back pain and all.
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